Weblog

Tuesday, 02 December 2008

  • ://mood - contemplative
    ://sounds - whatever comes up on itunes, the playlist is shuffled

    its been a long while since i've xangaed. is that even a word? well, it is now.
    seeing a lot of my friends this weekend for break got me thinking about how we're all moving into a new chapter of our lives faced with new challenges and obstacles.
    i sit here thinking when JOY WU says she's gonna xanga too so i figured, what the hell, my day doesn't start til 5:45am, running on less then 5 hours of sleep is all part of the college experience.
    in college, you meet a lot of new people, many of which have an extremely different view and outlook on life and who also have different morals and different standards that they base their lives on.
    sometimes i find myself facing people who are more stubborn, if possible, then me.

    COLLEGE:
    a place to find yourself
    a place to grow
    a place to reflect
    a place to learn

    i'm finishing up my first quarter of college and believe me, it has been full of personal and educational issues.
    drama, drama, drama
    on one hand i'm glad i got to know meet new people and grow even closer to the ones i knew previously.

    so much on my mind, i need an outlet but my mind is so full with thoughts and emotions, who knows where to begin.
    -guy drama
    -girl drama
    -school drama
    -school in general
    -transitioning into a new chapter of my life
    -family
    -friends
    -church
    -fellowship
    -YOU

    especially you, i care so much, its not even funny. i care while you don't, so its double.
    why do you do that to yourself? you know how i feel about it yet you continue. i mean, i guess its good that you tell me so its not a lie, but if you cared, you would stop it entirely. personally, i have nothing against it, but...just take care of yourself.
    I've seen your act/And I know all the facts/I'm still in love with who I wish you were

    i guess that's all i have to say for now.
    i was not always the best with words yet i relate everything to a song, music really does relate to my life too much.
    where would i be without itunes.

    ...next time, i'll just post up a playlist

Saturday, 20 September 2008

Thursday, 10 July 2008

  • so this has been posted a couple times...

    ...whatever
     
    sometimes my posts/notes/entries are personal.
    sometimes they are funny/retarted.

    but i never really put any deep thoughts in it.

    this weekend, although i had a lot of fun kicking with the fambam, it got me thinking about life, death and everything.

    there's alot ive been running from and keep surpressed for the longest time.
    its been about two and half years since my grandpa's death. my lolo.
    and you know. it hurt like hell then, and it still hurts to this day.

    i was the oldest, the first born, and i was the first to go to prom, to graduate, and he missed it. it hurts because i know he never got the chance to experience the joy and pride. and i blame myself sometimes because i was never able to accomplish what i know would make him proud. i know he was there for me through everything i went through the last two and a half years, but physically, i wish he was there to celebrate with me. to hug me and tell me what a good job ive done and how proud he was of me.
    he never got that and now i never will.

    i am happy though, that he wasn't in pain for long. that i was still able to talk to him and enjoy some good times with him before he passed. even when he was in a coma, i got to see him and talk to him one last time, i said goodbye and that i loved him and that i know ill see him again soon...and the next morning he was gone.

    i visited him for the first time since the funeral. everytime my mom went, i was always busy doing something else and i never got the chance, i thought over two years would be enough, that i would be able to go and hold my own. but when i saw him, i knew he was there, but there was no way we could ever talk like we used to, we could never be together. he was so close, but so far away

    every time i go to a funeral to be there for my friend who lost a grandparent, i never see them in the casket. i see my grandpa there. i remember the whole day like it just happened.
    im scared that one of these days ill just forget. although i know i never will.

    its not that i put up a front or anything. i know im a strong person. but sometimes im afraid to let anyone see me break down.
    for some reason, whenever i think about my grandpa, it all goes away. theres no one else but me and him and i dont care about how i may look to anyone.
    i know he's up in heaven watching over me, but i wish there was just a sign that i know he's still with me.
    that he's proud of me.
    that he will always watch and protect me just like he did when i was growing up.

    everytime i talk about him, i laugh, i cry and im just thankful for my life, my family and my friends.
    i just get really emotional and i suppose that's normal.
    i just have so much bottled up in me from the last couple of years that i finally decided that its time to let it all out.

    ....well. thanks for bearing with me.

    i love you grandpa.
    always and forever.
    november 20, 1929 - january 23, 2006

Wednesday, 11 June 2008

Monday, 10 December 2007

  • OK. SO i KNOW HOW i CAP ON PEOPLE CUZ THEY DONT TELL ME WHAT THEY WANT FOR CHRiSTMAS..
    SO i FiGURED i WONT DO THAT THiS YEAR.
    HERE'S A LiL LiST TO HELP YOU iN YOUR DECiSiON MAKiNG. XP

    -GiFTCARD: TO BASiCALLY ANYWHERE. NOT TOO PiCKY.
    FYi: iF YOU WANT TO CHANGE MY STYLE ENTiRELY. JUST GiVE THE CARD WHERE YOU WANT ME TO SHOP. i MORE THAN LiKELY WiLL. LOLZ

    -ANYTHiNG SPiDERMAN: SHOOT. YOU WANNA GO TO THE DOLLAR STORE AND HOOK ME UP WiTH A SiCK COLORiNG BOOK. GO FOR iT! :] JUST MAKE SURE YOU HOOK ME UP WiTH SOME COLOR PENCiLS OR CRAYONS OR WHATEVER.

    -A NEW iPOD COVER: STUPiD FAG STOLE MY ViDEO. SO NOW i GOT THE NEW NANO AND HAVE YET TO GET A NEW COVER FOR iT

    -iF YOU CAN THiNK OF SOMETHiNG ELSE. GO FOR iT! AS LONG AS iTS NOT SOME RETARTED THiNG...LiKE A CANDLE OR THUMBTACK. iDK. iM JUST SAYiNG.


    OH YES. AND iF YOU WOULD BE SO KiND AS TO GiVE ME AN iDEA OF WHAT YOU WANT TOO..THAT WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECiATED. i THiNK iMMA GO SHOPPiNG ON WED...MAYBE. WE SHALL SEE...

spUnkyfOtOgrafr

  • Visit spUnkyfOtOgrafr's Xanga Site
    • Name: JOURDAN
    • Birthday: 9/19/1990
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 3/22/2004

Top Tags - Weblog

[no tags]

Weblog Archives

Don't worry - your calendar is here… to see it in action just click "Save" above and refresh the page.

Pulse

spUnkyfOtOgrafr has no pulse!...